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Self-help vs Counseling

1. You Are the Change Agent

Though a Registered Clinical Counselor can be a big help in reaching your goals, you can also make excellent progress on your own.

This is because, regardless of whether you are working independently or with a counselor, the single most important change agent is you.

A man working on his own who clarifies personal goals, develops strategies and follows through will enjoy much more success than someone who attends counseling sessions faithfully but never translates talk into action.

Counseling is a lot like gardening. Together, you and your counselor choose the seeds, prepare the ground and plant carefully. But the daily follow-through—watering, fertilizing, weeding and pruning—is up to you. With energy and discipline, you will enjoy a satisfying harvest. If not, your seedlings will wither away.

Counseling's emphasis on relationship constitutes its biggest advantage over self-help. Something deeply powerful occurs when we tell our story, generate plans and take action in the presence of another. Thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams—all these become real only when shared with another human being. The communicating of a hope or desire is the beginning of a commitment.

2. Counseling Means Relationship

Change is helped along by relationship—the presence of another human being who witnesses and supports our goal-oriented striving. Therefore, the main advantages of counseling over self-help include:

1. Clarification: Clients usually recognize when something isn't right in their lives, but are often unable to articulate exactly what's wrong. Counseling can clarify a client's concerns.



2. Focus: When a man sets aside time each week to work with his therapist on problem-management, he is much less likely to get side-tracked from his goals by day-to-day distractions.



3. Accountability: People are more likely to follow through on commitments made to others than to themselves. Counseling therefore keeps a man honest. On his own, it is much easier to procrastinate or allow personal goals to slide away. In therapy, a man knows he will be asked about his commitment at the next session.This prospect encourages follow-through.



4. Creativity: Two heads are almost always better than one. Together, a client and counselor can generate more effective and original solutions than could each in isolation.



5. Alliance: A counselor is committed to his client and will strive to help him succeed. In few other non-familial relationships is one person as focused on another's well being as in a counseling relationship.

3. Tips For Working Without a Counselor

Counseling can be a great help. But when a client and counselor don't click or if a client fails to translate plans into action, a man in counseling may be less successful than someone working alone but with motivation and energy.

In other words, with follow through and staying power, a man can definitely be effective acting on his own. If you are interested in self-help, here are some tips:

• Be modest. Don't pursue too much at once. Change is tough and taking on more than you can handle will burn you out. Focus instead on a single goal and, when successful, choose something else. You'll feel even more confident and motivated because you've already succeeded the first time around.



• Be resourceful. Access personal and community help. Seek out supportive relatives or friends. Join a support group. Read something inspiring. Small steps, even something as simple as breaking a routine and going for a walk, have a big impact on many habit-based problems such as over-eating or depressive rumination.



• Don't expect perfection. Pat yourself on the back for modest accomplishments. Over time, more will follow. For now, celebrate even small gains.



• Be flexible. Difficulties are never monolithic. With every problem, there are periods of less trouble. Find out what is different, both about you and the environment, when a problem seems less severe. Then try consciously to recreate that difference. If it works, do more of it.



• Access inner resources. Most of us already have what we need to attack problems but fail to bring our resources to bear in all situations. A man who constantly rages at his partner, for example, probably controls himself with an aggravating customer or boss. But why not experiment with practicing that same self-control with the partner?



• Stay focused. Setbacks are inevitable but no reason to give up. Few people achieve instant success. The secret of successful people is picking themselves up after stumbles.

Someone once said: "That to which we pay attention changes." This is wise advice for anyone who wishes to improve his situation, with or without a counselor's help. Pay attention and in the long run gains will follow.

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