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3. Tips for working without a counselor
(Page 3 of 3)
Counseling can be a great help. But when a client and counselor don't click or if a client fails to translate plans into action, a man in counseling may be less successful than someone working alone but with motivation and energy.
In other words, with follow through and staying power, a man can definitely be effective acting on his own. If you are interested in self-help, here are some tips:
- Be modest. Don't pursue too much at once. Change is tough and taking on more than you can handle will burn you out. Focus instead on a single goal and, when successful, choose something else. You'll feel even more confident and motivated because you've already succeeded the first time around.
- Be resourceful. Access personal and community help. Seek out supportive relatives or friends. Join a support group. Read something inspiring. Small steps, even something as simple as breaking a routine and going for a walk, have a big impact on many habit-based problems such as over-eating or depressive rumination.
- Don't expect perfection. Pat yourself on the back for modest accomplishments. Over time, more will follow. For now, celebrate even small gains.
- Be flexible. Difficulties are never monolithic. With every problem, there are periods of less trouble. Find out what is different, both about you and the environment, when a problem seems less severe. Then try consciously to recreate that difference. If it works, do more of it.
- Access inner resources. Most of us already have what we need to attack problems but fail to bring our resources to bear in all situations. A man who constantly rages at his partner, for example, probably controls himself with an aggravating customer or boss. But why not experiment with practicing that same self-control with the partner?
- Stay focused. Setbacks are inevitable but no reason to give up. Few people achieve instant success. The secret of successful people is picking themselves up after stumbles.
Someone once said: "That to which we pay attention changes." This is wise advice for anyone who wishes to improve his situation, with or without a counselor's help. Pay attention and in the long run gains will follow.
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