Freedom from Cybersex Page 3 - "What Can I Do About It?"

Self-help vs counseling | Gay glossary | Freedom from cybersex| Coming out| Gay men's forum

	1. "Can I stop?"
	2. "Is it an addiction?"
	3. "What can I do about it?"
	4. The first small steps
	5. Do more of what works
	6. Take setbacks in stride

Printer-friendly version of full article

3. "What can I do about it?"

(Page 3 of 6)

Before we answer, please keep in mind that we favor a heuristic rather than algorithmic approach to problem-solving. This means we prefer clients to generate their own solutions based on personal circumstances, including history, resources and personally meaningful goals.

In contrast, the more traditional algorithmic approach involves a counselor-generated roadmap that clients are expected to follow closely. Although most clients are disappointed—at least at first—when their counselor declines to deliver a roadmap, we believe the algorithmic approach results in slower progress and less successful outcomes.

And so, while we won't offer you a prescription, we can suggest a process to lead you to your own solution. First you are asked to construct a detailed scenario of what an improvement to your cybersex problem would look like. Then you are encouraged to work immediately toward your described improvement.

It helps to write your description in a journal or at least to discuss it with another person. However, if you are able to have a conversation with yourself and can picture your scenario clearly in your mind, that's OK too.

Step 1: Describe in detail what an improvement will look like

Asking yourself the following questions will help you to be specific. And please feel free to construct your own questions. The idea is to paint as three-dimensional a picture as you can of the first glimmer of an improvement.

Also remember not to look for perfection. Develop a clear picture of what a small and attainable improvement will look like instead of an idealized portrait that might prove hard for you to believe in. Answer the questions with as much concrete detail as you can. The more specific and measurable your description, the more useful it will be:

How will the improvement first show itself?
How specifically will you know that even a small improvement has occurred?
How will others recognize this improvement?
How specifically will your daily routine change when an improvement occurs?
How will your mood and feelings change when an improvement makes itself known?
What will others notice about this change in your mood and feelings?
Where will you be when the improvement first appears?
What will be different about your environment when the improvement occurs?
What will you be doing when the improvement takes place?
Who will be with you when the change happens?
At what specific time of day will the improvement occur?
What will be different about the specific moment when the improvement first shows itself?

Next: 4. The first small steps

Jump: Page 1 > Page 2 > Page 3 > Page 4 > Page 5 > Page 6