Freedom from Cybersex Page 2 - "Is It An Addiction?"

Self-help vs counseling | Gay glossary | Freedom from cybersex| Coming out| Gay men's forum

	1. "Can I stop?"
	2. "Is it an addiction?"
	3. "What can I do about it?"
	4. The first small steps
	5. Do more of what works
	6. Take setbacks in stride

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2. "Is it an addiction?"

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At Gay Men's Counseling, we are cautious about using diagnostic phrases such as "sexual addiction." We believe that employing medical-sounding jargon to describe everyday behavior makes it harder for people to change.

Diagnostic terms entrance people into seeing themselves as victims of mysterious "disorders" that require complex theories and treatments to understand and "cure." We think it's preferable to describe behavior in ways that reduce confusion and stimulate clients to think of practical alternatives.

Therefore, if you wish to use the term "addiction" to describe your interest in Internet sex, please feel free to do so.

But we prefer to use more neutral terms such as "habit" or "behavior"—terms that suggest that, with effort and experimentation, more personally-desired behavior can be substituted.

"If not an addiction, should it at least be seen as a problem?"

Of course not. If you enjoy Internet sex involving individuals of legal age and have no interest in changing this activity, you don't need to be reading this.

Men who do wish to reduce or eliminate their participation in cybersex are those who see this behavior as problematic. Some regret the often large amounts of time involved and prefer to be doing other things. Others want to trade electronic sex for the real thing. Still others notice that cybersex has become a distraction to avoid dealing with school or work pressures or relationship difficulties.

Sometimes it is not the man himself but his boyfriend or live-in partner who sees the behavior as a problem. Often the partner—and sometimes even the man himself—views cybersex as a form of infidelity and presses the man to change.

If you are in this latter category, you will need to think carefully about your motivation. If you are seeking only to please your partner and have no genuine interest in modifying your behavior, it is unlikely that you will be successful, even with a counselor's help.

On the other hand, if you agree that electronic sex is impacting negatively on your relationship and you wish to change not only for your partner's sake but also for your own, then success is possible.

One final issue must be mentioned. If you are consuming Internet pornography or participating in chat room or webcam sex that involves underage individuals, you are committing a crime and could find yourself in serious legal difficulty. Furthermore, information that you share with a counselor regarding sexual activity with minors is not protected by client-counselor confidentiality and must be reported by the counselor to authorities.

Modifying behavior that involves sexual interest in or sexual activity with children lies beyond the expertise of Gay Men's Counseling. Assistance should be sought from a mental health practitioner who specializes in pedophilia. Although we do not maintain a list of such practitioners, referrals could be obtained from a community mental health team in your area.

Next: 3. "What can I do about it?"

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