Couples Counseling Page 1 - Keeping Hope Alive

What is counseling? | How does counseling help? | The counseling process| Couples counseling

	1. Keeping hope alive
	2. Listening & taking responsibility
	3. Balancing love & achievement

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1. Keeping hope alive

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Our counselor was featured on the television program Plugged In. The topic was Saving Our Relationships: Gay & Lesbian Couples Counseling. Below is an extended version of the interview:

What do couples seek when they approach you for counseling?

Counselor: Couples are almost always looking for better ways to manage conflict. For some, the relationship isn't yet at the breaking point, but the guys are struggling with ongoing arguments and resentments. They're looking for help to enjoy each other again.

For others—probably the majority—the relationship is in deep trouble. For these men, counseling is seen as a final kick at the can, a way to deal with entrenched conflict that has contaminated what the guys originally liked about each other.

How does counseling help gay couples?

Counselor: To begin with, I think that simply making an appointment with a counselor is helpful because it signals that the men haven't quite given up on each other. Some hope, and usually a great deal of love, remain. My job is to help them recognize their underlying desire to stay together and to try to strengthen it.

What are other ways that counseling helps?

Counselor: Counseling offers many advantages. For example, couples almost always behave better in my office than they do in their own home. At home when there is conflict, they tend to attack or withdraw. But when conflict emerges in a counseling session—as it almost always does—I encourage them to express themselves fully and to listen to each other more carefully. Problems get thoroughly examined, which contributes to better solutions.

In addition, I can serve as a mirror for a couple, pointing out blind spots, reflecting submerged feelings and describing their situation in new ways. By seeing themselves from a different angle, men can often come up with new answers to old problems. Otherwise, they tend to get locked into worn out approaches that don't work.

Next: 2. Listening & taking responsibility

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